i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
