I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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