The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
