please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
