What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
