His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He felt like a one man threesome
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
