Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
