my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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