quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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