this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
