theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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