My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
