dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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