dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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