I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
