omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I wear drunk well.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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