Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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