My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
