he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
