dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Randomize
