You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
