Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
