worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
