i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Be still, my beating vagina.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
