Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
