There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
