everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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