Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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