One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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