My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
