and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
