so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
