Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
