fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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