Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
