my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
