Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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