Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
