I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I have feelings that need drinking.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
