it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
