Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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