Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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