i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
