Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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