I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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