i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
