I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
