You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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