covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
