my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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