put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
