Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
