I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Just invented taco cereal.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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